Part One:
Old Lace in a Modern World

I’ve long loved things vintage. I imagine them to be the shrouds of history; tinged with discoloration, edges frayed by use. Old lace comes to mind, especially the kind handmade with natural fibers based on patterns taught by one generation to the next. There is something in the texture and even the scent that sets it apart from mass produced, modern synthetic lace. I suppose not everyone can feel, smell, or even see the difference; those of us who do, however, seem to have a similar awareness and respect for a larger body of “old ways” that are not often in the forefront of “modern life” today. And, if we are called to death work, we are surely aware of that same lack of sensory richness in the practices of “modern” death and dying.

Some may argue that the modern world can function without old lace. An increasing number of us, though, are in agreement that the modern practices around death and dying are not only void of richness and beauty, they are detrimental individually, in community, and globally.

As Certified Death Midwives, our training provides us with an historical perspective and experience of death work blended with present day spiritual, emotional, and practical knowledge. As Angie Buchanan, Death Midwife Trainer says, “We are reclaiming death, dying, grief and mourning as beautiful and necessary parts of our human condition.”

Since my training and certification in early 2018, I have become deeply aware of the many ways I am an active participant in death experiences and stories. While training and certification impart a basic knowledge and skill set necessary to the practice of death midwifery, I find that daily life experiences reveal the far-reaching and, perhaps, more nuanced work that falls within the realm of a Death Midwife. And, after we are trained and certified, if life leads us into the role of a caregiver for an aging beloved or of a live-in granny with young children underfoot, we are no less a Death Midwife. That old lace wasn’t made in a vacuum. It was made in a parlor, kitchen, or under the eucalyptus tree in the front yard while stories were being shared, and friends and family were living and dying. The hands that twisted the chords together were the same hands that bathed the dead, shrouded the bodies, and comforted those left living.

Modern life impacts modern death. I do believe that we are increasingly aware of humanity’s collective impact on the environment. Many are focusing on living in a more sustainable way. We are planting gardens, reducing carbon footprints, and striving to be more neighborly. We are more directly involved in caring for our families members, both younger and older.

As ways of living are changing, so must our ways of dying change. As Death Midwives, we are the hands that continue to introduce, model, and restore the Old Lace experiences of death and dying even as modern life rolls on. In doing so, we are restoring the richness and beauty of the fullness of life.